It seems as if every time I reach a point of surrender, there is very little time to rest before God calls to my attention another area of my life that I'm clinging onto desperately. An area, item, relationship, dream, or goal that I would be better off laying at His feet.
Currently, that item is my living situation. Almost exactly a year ago, my husband and I had a contract accepted to purchase a piece of property. We put our house for sale and prayed it would sell quickly so we wouldn't be bogged down with two payments for long. God answered that prayer. A short two months after putting our house on the market, we moved out and closed on the sale. It had gone faster than we ever dreamed. And I thought this was a great start to the journey we were embarking on - the building of our forever house on the water where we'd desired to live for years. (For my husband, it's a life-long dream.)
Having things moves so fast, I was full of enthusiasm and optimism, hoping to have our new house ready to at least host our annual Christmas family dinner in December. But day by day, week by week, month by month, time slipped away without anything being done. Now here we are 9 months out of our own home and don't even have a building permit yet. There are various reasons, but at this point, the reasons don't matter. They don't change the fact that I've been without my own home, living at my in-laws house (8 people in less square footage than we had for just our family of 6 previously).
This is not where I wanted to be. Not even close. God and I have had some serious talks about this situation. While I have some legitimate complaints about people not doing what they need to do in a timely manner, making those complaints doesn't change anything. We still are where we are.
And through that, God is teaching me to surrender. Surrender my own timeline. Surrender the details of how I thought my dreams would be realized. Surrender my concept of control over anything. And surrender other people.
None of this is hard. There are days I'm very frustrated with the complete lack of progress and road blocks that keep cropping up.
He is using even this to mold me, shape me, and grow me. His desire is that in everything I trust in Him, grow in Him, and glorify Him. He is working greatly in me and I know it will turn out for my good, as He promises.
That doesn't change reality, but prayerfully it will change my thoughts and heart and teach me to surrender even the most difficult things to Him.