Friday, April 20, 2012

Struggling through surrender

I'm not sure why when I began to take my journey to live a surrendered life public I thought it'd automatically be easy. That my flesh wouldn't fight so hard against what I know I should do. Why did I imagine my body suddenly cooperating with surrendering every aspect of my life to God's will?

It didn't.

My flesh still calls out to do what is easy, comfortable, and momentarily pleasurable. And I often still give in.

That's not to say I've gorged myself on food, sat in front of the TV hours and hours a day, completely ignored reading my Bible and neglected praying. But, certainly, I give in enough to know that I often choose the good instead of the best.

So, how does change come?

First, it comes slowly. As I practice making the best choice in one situation, it will be easier the next time. Easier, not easy-breezy-dance-in-a-circle while making the right choice. But not as great as a struggle as it was last time.

I find that keeping myself in the Word and studying the Word most helpful. And I notice that I'm not in the habit as deeply right now as I have been in times of the past.

I'm not consistent.

This is a fact I've known about myself for a long time.

But God is.

And that's why I need to lean on Him and trust He has the best in store for me in everything.

Absolutely everything.

For a recovering control freak, though, that's not easy.
For a mom facing the challenges of parenting and homeschooling every day, that's not easy.
For a woman dealing with other imperfect people, that's not easy.

I snap at my husband. I lose my temper with my children. I make judgments on other peoples' decisions. I wear out. In my flesh I am human and I fail.

But in God's strength, I will be lifted up ~ something he's graciously reminded me lately.

And I say, "Thank you! I love you, help me love you more."

And God says, "My grace is sufficient. My strength made perfect in your weakness."

Boy, is His strength made perfect in my life!

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