I'm not sure why when I began to take my journey to live a surrendered life public I thought it'd automatically be easy. That my flesh wouldn't fight so hard against what I know I should do. Why did I imagine my body suddenly cooperating with surrendering every aspect of my life to God's will?
My flesh still calls out to do what is easy, comfortable, and momentarily pleasurable. And I often still give in.
That's not to say I've gorged myself on food, sat in front of the TV hours and hours a day, completely ignored reading my Bible and neglected praying. But, certainly, I give in enough to know that I often choose the good instead of the best.
So, how does change come?
First, it comes slowly. As I practice making the best choice in one situation, it will be easier the next time. Easier, not easy-breezy-dance-in-a-circle while making the right choice. But not as great as a struggle as it was last time.
I find that keeping myself in the Word and studying the Word most helpful. And I notice that I'm not in the habit as deeply right now as I have been in times of the past.
I'm not consistent.
This is a fact I've known about myself for a long time.
But God is.
And that's why I need to lean on Him and trust He has the best in store for me in everything.
For a recovering control freak, though, that's not easy.
For a mom facing the challenges of parenting and homeschooling every day, that's not easy.
For a woman dealing with other imperfect people, that's not easy.
I snap at my husband. I lose my temper with my children. I make judgments on other peoples' decisions. I wear out. In my flesh I am human and I fail.
But in God's strength, I will be lifted up ~ something he's graciously reminded me lately.
And I say, "Thank you! I love you, help me love you more."
And God says, "My grace is sufficient. My strength made perfect in your weakness."
Boy, is His strength made perfect in my life!