God is Good, But He Isn’t Very Nice

In “The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe” by C.S. Lewis, Lucy asks Mr. Beaver if Aslan is safe.  Mr. Beaver replies, “Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good.”  If you are unfamiliar with this book, Aslan is an allegorical picture of Jesus.  Mr. Beaver’s words used to confuse me.  How can someone be good, but not safe?  I came to understand that the God who created the universe with just His words was not to be trifled with.  Sort of like your dad when he said, “I brought you into the world and I can take you out.”  Only much, much more serious.

But now I’ve come to learn a different, deeper meaning to this.  Somewhere I read that the Lord isn’t interested in making us happy.  Instead He is interested in making us like Jesus.  (I apologize to whoever said this because I cannot remember where I read it.)  And sometimes that is a very painful process that does not feel very safe at all.

Like a lot of people, I believed that Jesus had the power to save me.  I also believed…sort of…that He had the power to change me.  At least I said I did.  But my actions showed that I believed that I had to remake myself into someone who manifested all of the Fruit of the Spirit all of the time.  That is really hard.  There is a reason it is the fruit of the SPIRIT and not the fruit of the WILL.  That is because it is impossible to will yourself into being that.

However, that did not stop me from trying.  And, as I look around, it doesn’t stop a lot of other people from trying too.  I truly believed that I had to earn God’s approval.  Salvation was a gift, but not approval.  And so, I held on with every ounce in my being.  And it worked for quite awhile.  Sort of.  Well, not really.  But I managed to cover up my foibles from the outside world.  But I knew that I was totally failing the Lord.  And I was sure that He was watching me and just shaking His head in disgust.

I was deeply unhappy and started realizing that when I tried to do things in my own righteousness, I was getting the glory.  I wanted God to get the glory, so I told Him I was going to let Him have total control.  I expected that, even if everything wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, I would now begin to deal with the problems that came my way effortlessly.  And, deep down, where I don’t even admit it to myself, I thought there wouldn’t’ be any problems anyway. 

Boy was I wrong!  I expected the Lord to either calm all of my storms or calm me.  Instead the storms hit harder than ever and I fell apart.  I didn’t even like being around me.  I was one big raw nerve and so, so reactive.  I think I went a little bit crazy.  Maybe more than a little bit.  I was an absolute and total mess.  And partly because of my mess, life got harder.  I started having panic attacks.  It was horrible.

I had looked at my grand experiment of letting God take control of my emotions as taking a step off of a cliff, expecting that either there would be something under my feet or I would be given wings.  But instead, it was like God shoved me right off that cliff and let me fall and lie at the bottom, broken into pieces. 

That’s not what I signed up for.  It’s not what anyone tells you happens when you start trusting God.  Everyone tells you how God shows up and gets you through.  But that is not what happened to me.  God really pushed me off that cliff.

Why would He do that?  Why would He cause me, his daughter who was just trying to trust Him, to crash quite publickly.  What kind of witness is that!  There were a lot of non-Christians watching this play out.  I’m sure this didn’t cause them to move any closer to the Lord.  “If that’s what being a Christian is, I don’t want any part of it,” was what I was sure they were thinking.

See?  God is not safe.  And pushing me off that cliff was certainly not very nice.  But God knew that the only way to change me into the woman He had always intended me to be was to cause me to fall apart to the point that I couldn’t fix myself.  Only He could bring it about.

And so, in His goodness, He began picking up my broken pieces and putting me back together.  Sometimes I would think I was all better, only to find that He would have to break something new.  It was not fun.  There was pain.  There were buckets of tears. 

But now I’m not the woman I was a few years ago.  I’m so glad not to be her any more.  I know that I cannot hold myself together.  Ever.  And I don’t need to any more.  I am amazed at my current ability to manage the stress that comes my way.  Things that used to overwhelm me no longer do.  Things will happen and I will wait to see when the anger is going to erupt, but it rarely does.  Because I am the recipient of much grace, I am much more willing to give out grace to others.  And I am much happier.  Truly happy and full of joy, not the weak substitute that I used to manufacture on my own.

I can’t give you a step-by-step plan to go from crazy to sane.  There is no step-by-step plan.  I just went to Jesus and asked Him to help me love Him more, for Him to be more real to me, and for my life to be centered around Him.  I asked him to reignite my sense of awe in who He is. I read the Bible.  I prayed. 

Looking back, He was not very nice to me.  He hurt me and caused so much anguish in my life.  But He was at work to turn me into a woman after His own heart, who knows that her only hope for sanity is in Him.  When things do bother me, I know that the way out is through Him.  My Bible has become my refuge.  So, I am thankful for the process, no matter how hard it was to live through.

If things are hard for you right now.  If you feel like God has pushed you off a cliff to break apart, He probably has.  And the new you that He is fashioning is so much better than anything you could have done in your own power.  It is worth the pain.  Aslan is indeed on the move, and He is not safe.

By Elisa Gray

https://monthlychanges.wordpress.com/

God is Completely Good - Prayer & Response

Lord,

I praise You for who You are! You are good, holy, perfect, sovereign, love, gracious, patient, faithful, marvelous, wonderful, priceless, awesome, and amazing. I can't even begin to comprehend Your

Complete Goodness.

There is nothing evil, selfish, prideful, or harmful in You. Not even a drop. My fleshly, sinful heart and mind can scarce imagine it. No wonder everyone falls at a mere glimpse of You.

My heart wonders; let it stray no more. Do not turn from me. Make me faithful. Mold me to be more like you. I do not ask for forgiveness in this moment because I know your mercy and grace has flowed over all my sin already. It is washed away completely by Your blood. Thank You, Lord!

Thank you!!

Response: You're welcome, My daughter. My love for you is infinite. Draw close to Me and I will draw close to you. Soak in my love. Bask in My love. Receive my glory. I love you, My precious child. I love you.

Word of the Year - 2016

Have you ever done a word of the year? Do you have one for this year?

This is the second or third year I've had a word I've used to keep me focused where God is leading me to focus.

This year my word is...

Commitment.

It's a big word with big meaning. The purpose behind it is to keep me focused on the commitments I've made so I can follow through with them and not get distracted away from them. It also means to be careful what commitments I make. To commit to only the things God is leading me to. Then do them with full commitment.

So far, I've been able to stay focused and committed to my 2016 projects. (And a few from 2015 I didn't stay committed to.)

Alas, it is only January! So, my prayer is that I stay committed to seeking the Lord daily in what He desires me to do. What His will is, instead of just what's on my agenda. Hopefully, I'll be able to share in February, March and even all the way through December that, by God's grace, I've stayed committed.

This is an especially big undertaking because of what I feel God's called me to do this year;

* Write a 12 book mini-ebook series on being #transformed.
* Keep consistent on my blogs.
* Video blog to communicate even more effectively.
* Go to Africa on my first international mission trip.
* Finish a few book projects started last year.
* Be effective in my time usage.
* Keep homeschooling and loving my babies
* Be consistent and available for my hubby and support him as he begins to build our new house.

Whew! I'm so glad I know it's God that strengthens me, and not me! I'd be worn out already.

Instead, thought, because He's keeping me grounded and energized through spending time with Him in prayer, I know I can do all He's called me to do this year.

Your list may look completely different. It most likely does. But whatever your list looks like, whatever your word is, commit it to the Lord, and He'll give you everything you need to do everything He's called you to do.

I'd love to know what your word is for 2016! And to hear what God's doing in your life. Comment below or email me at tracy_wainwright.com. And, as always, I invite you to join my mailing list at my website to keep updated on all the things God is doing.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Be Still - A response from God

My daughter,

Be still.

Be held by Me. Do not settle for less. Do not turn to the things of this world, even the benign things, for comfort and restoration. You are Mine and I cherish you and love you with an everlasting love. I have called you for something greater. Do not settle for good.

Do not fear or draw back from the work or the difficult. Do not rely on yourself or your own strength. You are right that you cannot do it all - in yourself. But nothing is impossible for Me and in Me you can do every single thing I call you to do. It may not look like you expect it to, but it will always look the way I intended it to.

Be still, draw near to Me, and I will fill you.

The Lord is Always Working

Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded.
For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told.
Habakkuk 1:5

I have been living in a holding pattern for almost a year now. Last year started off with the realization of a long-lived dream. After looking for waterfront property and attempting to buy 4 properties over 12 years, it finally happened. Not only that, but our house went on the market and sold within 2 months. We were on our way to living our dream.

Then the roadblocks started going up. It took way too long to get the plans done. Then it took too long to hear back from the county once we submitted them. Then the surveyor took forever getting the results to us. Then the county asked for a laundry list of additional items.

Almost 10 months later, we don't even have our building permit yet. It is not the hardest, most tragic trial ever anyone lived, but it hasn't been easy, either.

However, God continues to use the situation I'm in to lean into my faith in Him, His goodness, and His plans.

This morning when I woke up, I heard the Lord direct me to the book of Habakkuk. As I lay in bed starting to wake up I listened to the words of this prophet and the Lord's response. And He spoke to me.

My situation is not one of violence, iniquity, and destruction, but it is one of things not getting done as they should (or as I'd like them). The similarity is others are not doing what they should and I'm being affected.

As Habakkuk did, I have cried out to the Lord. I have begged, pleaded, and quite frankly, whined. 

In His great graciousness He has not chastised me. Neither, however, has He given me what I want when I want it. What He has done is say almost the same thing He said to Habakkuk:

"Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded.

For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told."

It is a reminder that the Lord is always working. Even when things don't go our way. Even when they don't seem just or fair. Even when we can't see Him working. He is. Always.

And I am so grateful. Because He knows so much more than me. And is so much more good and righteous than me.

I may get frustrated and impatient at times, but then I will choose to trust in the Lord and His plan. That is true surrendered living.

(I'd love to hear how God's calling you to surrender! Comment below or email me tracy_wainwright@yahoo.com)

The Lord is trustworthy - A Prayer

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
Proverbs 3:5-7

Lord,
Thank You for being trustworthy. I praise You and lift up Your holy name to be honored and glorified throughout the earth. Thank You for being a loving guide. Your love, wisdom, grace, and mercy go beyond my comprehension. Your faithfulness abounds. Your shelter and protection never fail. Let me never forget who You are. Continue to teach me more about You. Forgive me when I allow other things to pull my gaze off of You and distract me from the details of Your plan for my life. Help me to not trust in or act based on my own understanding. Forgive me when I don't acknowledge You. You alone are worthy of all praise! Give me the strength to turn away from all evil. Let it not get as much as a toe-hold in my life. Let me not compromise or be complacent. Help me to be committed to the things You've called me to do and love well those You place in my life. Let every day of my life be filled with service and love.
Amen.

Remind Me, a Prayer

Lord,

Remind me every moment of every day that You are still in control. Thank You for Your love, faithfulness, mercy, and grace. Help me to be the woman You created me to be. Let everything in my life bring glory to You!


I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God hwo loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20